Yearning

I can't go on Facebook too often.

Don't get me wrong, I have 500-some friends, hundreds of pictures, and about a dozen notes on it. I'm well-established. It's a tool that I use to pop into people's lives that I don't get to see every day; my friend the theater major had an important audition in Chicago; my former hallmate in New York is enjoying grad school; a pastor in Seattle I follow is doing some reading and research for a book he's writing on marriage and is depressed by some of the divorce stats he's finding.

But I tend to get too wrapped up in the immediacy of social networking, and it's causing me some (minor) anguish. The reason is, a lot of my friends are getting married.

Don't mistake me here. I'm SO incredibly happy for them. It brings me joy to see Christ-centered marriages because that gives me assurance that "'til death do us part" is possible. But especially when you've gone to a small (wonderful!) Christian college where most people tend to meet their spouse, seeing that mini-feed light up with heart icons and profile pictures of giddy girls with engagement rings brings a mixture of excitement, anticipation, and (yes, I'm sorry) a teensy bit of sadness.

All this to say, I can't go on Facebook too often, because the more I check it, the more people are engaged. And the more acutely aware I am that I am not.

I was talking to God about this last night, one of many long-winded prayers surrounding my future husband. The conversation went something like this. Me: Lord, I know You are infinitely wise and good, and that You are using this time of singleness to grow me. But Father, this is really really hard. I'm nesting. I want to stay at home and clean and cook. I want to be a wife. I want my husband to come home and be excited to see me. I want to be a mom, Lord.. I mean, 2000 years ago I'd be considered an old maid. I'm of prime marrying age --

Then suddenly, the Lord gently but firmly cut me off.

YHWH: Grace,  I will decide when you are of prime marrying age..

WOW. I shut my mouth sheepishly then, and felt my heavenly Father, wise and wonderful, asserting His authority and asking me to trust Him. I may be 22. I may want to be a wife and mother (and I believe I someday will be) but God knows when I will be ready. He knows my heart - He created it! He wired me this way, to want to be a woman who loves and serves her husband. He loves me. And, He loves you. Trust Him, as you walk through this time of preparation.

We're not speaking to a God who doesn't know what He's doing.

-Grace Marita